Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
