the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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