so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
