If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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