It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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