Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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