I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dick very happy bro
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
