i just wanna soil my oats bro
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
