She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
