I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
