It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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