I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
