i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
