I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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