Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize