We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think a kid would responsible me up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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