There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
