So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
