2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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