Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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