All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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