My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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