he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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