If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
