Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize