this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
