My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
