insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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