Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
