before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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