that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
