you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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