so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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