Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
