dude i'm inner monologue high
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
