i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
