my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We just shotgunned beers for America
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
