Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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