Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
