Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
