We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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