he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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