u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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