A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
