sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
