And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
