That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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