just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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