dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
