I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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