I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
