Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
