I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
