My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
