Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
