I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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