rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had sex on a roof
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
