Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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