I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize