I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
