I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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