Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
