I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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