omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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