He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
