So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
