So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
