Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize