The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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