do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
