my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
