Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
