sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize