mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
