Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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