mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
