When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
