we have pet lesbian snakes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
