Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
