I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
