The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
