You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
