the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
