I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
