matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
