This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
