Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
