Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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