he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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