I have demons in me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
