The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
