i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
