allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
