mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm jealous of your bromance
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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