Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
