They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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