Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
