so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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