so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
