4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
