You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
