I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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