How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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